Will a Friend-with-Benefits Work for you?

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You may be single right now but are you actually ready for a relationship?

Sexual intimacy doesn’t necessarily include emotional intimacy and during phases of the love cycle, you may find yourself craving for something less intense. This phase can often follow a breakup, a divorce or a stage in life where the focus needs to be on your own needs not those of others emotionally.

This is not a place for judging yourself or others. Many have considered the merits of causal sexual connections.  It is common enough that there is a whole language around this concept including Booty Calls, One Night Stands and Friends with Benefits.  You can explore more about the love cycle including which love-style you are currently operating in Get Ready For Love. If you are not sure if you are ready for a relationship right now take our Wheels of Life & Love Quiz to find out. 

If you simply know, or the Wheels show you, that you are NOT ready for commitment then you may be questioning if a “Friends with Benefits” situation might work for you?  Here is a short quiz/feedback to help you decide. Score yourself according to your answers (Yes, Maybe or No) and then total up your scores:

Answer Yes  (3 Points)     B: Maybe (2 Points)    C: No(1 Points)

  1. Are you ok with the concept of casual sex?
  2. Are you confident enough in yourself to choose your sexual partner and not be chosen?
  3. Do you feel you can divorce sex from love?
  4. Are you ok with a connection that does not cater for your emotional needs?
  5. Is companionship, fun and laughter more important to you than love right now?
  6. Are you able to control feelings of jealousy or insecurity?
  7. Are you ok with non-committed planning or last-minute hook-ups?
  8. Are you comfortable with other’s perceptions re Booty Calls or Friends with Benefits?
  9. Are you prepared for this situation to only be about sex?
  10. Are you comfortable that you cannot guarantee the OP is not seeing others?

The higher your score the more likely it is that a Friends With Benefits situation may work for you.  Those scoring 10-15 it is likely that any form of casual liaison is not your thing. For those scoring 15-20 careful consideration is required before acting in haste – casual sex for some can be emotionally damaging. For those scoring 20-25 then it is likely you have been here before and know what it’s about but are in 2 minds if it is where you are at – as offered earlier take the quiz and find out.  For those scoring 25-30 you are in the Friends With Benefits Zone – you are comfortable that this is where you are at right now.


TJ Gibbs

TJ Gibbs

Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself! TJ x

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