The Long Distance Relationship

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There are some that would never consider a long distance relationship (LDR), as for them love means the physical presence of a person in their life on a daily basis.  These individuals are probably visual in their love filter and rate high in quality time as their love language.

However, for those who are building businesses or who have busy daily lives LDR’s can work well as they are able to plan the relationship and make time for each other on their available timescales. For those who love their freedom as much as they love their partner, this can also be a great way to be able to focus on their own personal growth as they slowly grow in a relationship with another.

And then there are those that had no choice in the matter as love chose them from a distance.

There are obvious difficulties involved with being in an LDR. For some absence makes the heart grow fonder whilst for others it can be a case of out of sight is out of mind.

Clashing schedules can make communication more difficult and if one person is making more of an effort than the other to contact this, just like any other relationship, causes issues.

The lack of physical intimacy for some can become a deal breaker and if people cannot be open about how to get their needs met,  false expectations and promises are often set.

Being apart from each other physically can really test one’s perceptions of love and If you recognise yourself as an insecure or jealous person then LDR’s are going to push every one of your buttons.

LDR’s with no planning will fail – they will fade away to holiday romances – but time and effort put into LDR’s can pay off.

It is ironic that the lack of physical proximity can for many actually build an openness with a partner as the relationship has to rely on effective communication.

LDR’s can bear the fruit of a romance that for many are not organically available when coming home tired and collapsing in front of the tv grunting at each other.  Looking forward to hearing the voice or seeing the face of the one you love, but cannot actually hold, can be a real tonic for the drudgery of everyday life.

If an LDR is your choice but you are struggling or if you had no choice and love chose you here are some tips and strategies for improving the success of your long distance relationship.

Strategies and Tips For Maintaining an LDR

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♥ Have set times when you expect to speak to each other as a minimum.

♥ Have a date night where that evening is dedicated to catching up with each other via technology.

♥ Make sure communication is not just kept for these times however as the unexpected voicemail saying “just thinking of your” can keep the romance alive.

♥ Have a clear agreement on what your relationship involves ie is it mutually exclusive or are you dating others.  This might sound obvious but many couples tend to assume things when it comes to LDR’s that the other person does not necessarily see as the case or cannot deliver on.

♥ Don’t hold a balance sheet as to who does the travelling and the costs as this may be the price of love. Many long-distance relationships may be in situations where one party cannot afford the cost of travelling. 

♥ Wherever possible have your conversations with a visual aspect to them ie Facetime, Skype etc. This allows the other person to feel involved in what you are doing whether it be talking as you are cooking, watching TV or maybe make that call immediately after that winning goal so that they can celebrate with you!

If all is going amazingly well could things be better if you took the leap of love with one of you moving closer to the other? How will you know when the time is right for a move?

It’s simple:  the need to be with this person will simply outweigh the need to keep your status quo.  

There is never a wrong time to give love a chance but if you are someone who fears change then make that change for short periods of time and build up to the big move.


TJ Gibbs

TJ Gibbs

Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself! TJ x

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