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Saying No to a Second Date – Make it a Win Win!

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First dates are an occupational hazard for many looking for love.  Some progress beyond 2nd dates into long term relationships but for many the 2nd date is a No Thanks!  Reasons for this can range from the first date being boring or not clicking through to their date confessing that they did time for stalking their ex!    

A study of 2,000 Brits showed that on average woman goes on 7 standard first dates,  a further 3 blind dates, and 2 online before they found a relationship. Men on average enjoy 8 dates, 3 blind dates and meet 3 people online.  Even considering the lowest averages – not allowing for those serial daters chalking up 100’s of first dates – that is a lot of someone saying NO to a 2nd date.

So here are some Win-Win Do’s and Don’ts on how to say No to that next date whilst allowing your date to keep their dignity (good karma)  and without causing yourself unnecessary grief.

DON’T

  1. “Ghost” or “Slow fade” – terms for disappearing on someone and not answering their calls or texts. If you prefer others to just blank you if they are not interested then I probably can’t convince you it’s not a good idea. However, if you like most prefer to know where you stand then gift others a response.
  2. Give Bull***t excuses like I have a lot of work right now and it’s not fair on you – this is not closure as the person may hold out false hope for things to be changed in the future.
  3. Slate your date and knock their confidence it’s unnecessary drama and frankly bad karma
  4. Go into detail on how if this that and the other was different. If they are not for you then there is no need to justify yourself and it probably won’t be a pleasant conversation for either of you.
  5. Arrange another date and just not turn up

DO

  1. Face the music – accept the call and practice saying “No thanks”
  2. Keep it Real! Even over a telephone, people can feel if you are not telling the truth and that in itself is irritating enough without also dealing with rejection. Use the don’ts above to soften the blow.
  3. Keep it Kind – Keep in mind that the person themselves may be struggling with dating for reasons they have not offered – keep your feedback general rather than about them.
  4. Keep it brief and maybe have an ambiguous stock statement for letting them down gently – an example might be “I don’t think we really clicked” or “I don’t think we want the same things”
  5. Say what you mean and mean what you say –  Ensure that your NO means a No – if in any doubt that you are making the right choice then go on a 2nd date and find out.

Think how you would want someone to let you down if you really liked them!  Your date might not be your type but their hot friend when you bump into them together in the bar next time might just be !


TJ Gibbs

TJ Gibbs

Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself! TJ x

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