In this our final blog in the Tinder series, we look at what happens once a match is made and how to maximise contact in between the match and the first date.
If both parties swipe right (like) on Tinder then a match celebratory screen will appear. There is then the option to keep swiping for more matches and return later to your match list or to send the match a message there and then.
It’s unfortunate that Tinder did not start out to include the etiquette of first contact. Unlike an upcoming competitor “Bumble”, created by the co-founder of Tinder on her exit from the company, who have included the etiquette that women make the introductory opening contact as part of the app approach. This process may have well have come about due to the nature of how the different sexes tend to swipe right on Tinder.
Many men have a tendency to swipe right with a casual approach without much initial attention to age or location. They may then look more closely at the matches only once someone matches them. Women will tend to have a more selective matching approach by reviewing both picture and information as well as age and location prior to swiping right.
Once a match is made there is the question of what happens next. There can often be a stalemate over who now makes the initial contact. There is no set pattern or etiquette for this and subsequently, communication can be very random with people having high percentages of their match list having never spoken.
One party may reach out and be met with silence – being then left wondering why the person matched them if they did not want to talk. It is likely at this point that the silent match has reviewed the match and decided due to the combination of location, age, pics or profile information that they are not interested. This can then lead to frustration and annoyance on behalf of those who did take the time to choose selectively.
Pride can often get in the way of a great match at this point! So best practice is for yourself to review the profile of the match to hand and reach out regardless of whether they reply. This may also lead to an unmatch so if someone suddenly disappears from your list they may have decided that you are not for them. However, this is a positive thing because it maximises the energy you have for those that do talk or reach out and are meant for you.
So let’s move past the non-speakers and onto the first contact. If you really want to attract a lifetime partner then putting the effort in with your communication is where it will all pay off, so here are some recommended do’s and don’ts for contact after a match:
There is not a magic opening sentence but avoid an opening line that could be classed as sleazy. One of the number one pet hates is merely a “hi” or from a woman’s viewpoint a “Hi Sexy!” Having spoken to many women on this subject being called sexy is not taken as a compliment when it is said by someone they have ever met. Sorry guys I know you are probably thinking it’s a compliment but for many women, it’s actually a turn-off.
Do not cut and paste opening lines as they lack authenticity and feel contrived. Try to grab something from the information your match has supplied to contact them about and show your interest in them specifically.
Move out of Tinder as soon as comfortable. Once they have responded then ensure conversation does not go on for days or weeks without moving to your own personal space. This could be WhatsApp or a telephone call. If someone is cautious in doing this they may be a time waster. Nowadays we don’t have to worry about people stalking our phones as we are able to block and delete people easily if they behave inconsiderately so it is not really a huge risk with them coming into your telecom space. It is recommended that a telephone call take place before arranging a date as the tone of someone’s voice alongside what they say helps you decide if a date makes sense for both of you.
Don’t interrogate during your conversations – who do you live with, when did you last date, why did your relationship split up – this is the type of stuff that works well with body language and tone and is best saved for a date as otherwise, it can come over as an interview in text.
Do not make one of your first questions Do You Live Alone? it conjures up all sorts of thoughts about why do you want to know that?
Do not expect someone to listen to mundane conversation on Tinder or Whatsapp involving talking about what you are having for dinner or what your friends are up to etc. Remember without knowing each other this information has no foundation to land and can quickly become boring.
Understand that talking to other people is ok but try not to include that information in your conversations unless you are asked for it. Being compared to others or hearing about Tinder dates can be dangerous ground as it can raise up insecurities about your intentions.
Too much choice can often be as limiting as too little! With dating apps like Tinder being the Willy Wonka chocolate factory for singles, it is easy for gluttony to raise its head. A key part of attracting the right matches is also knowing what you want before even setting up your profile. Soul Mate profiling is something that we take seriously at Get Ready For Love.
If you do not consider many of the points discussed in the Tinder series of blogs you could end up missing out on matching those you would really like to date – culminating in an array of first dates that waste your time money and energy.
Remember Tinder is just a tool it’s how you use it that is going to make a difference. There are a plethora of amazing people who are looking for someone just like you but there are also a number of people who were never meant to be part of your dating history. So it’s important that you put some consideration into maximising how Tinder can work best for you to find people to laugh, grow and have fun with.
Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations.
Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!