Are you at risk of becoming a serial first dater?

 It’s Friday night and you are considering your weekend schedule. The phone is ringing and Whatsapp pinging with offers from a pool of “possibly the ones”. Many who engage in online dating don’t find it hard to get a date but are at risk of becoming serial first daters as the first date tends to not tick their boxes. 

Too much choice can often be as limiting as too little! With dating apps like POF and Tinder being the Willy Wonka chocolate factory for singles, it is easy for gluttony to raise its head. 

Do your friends accuse you of being too fussy or is it that you just don’t know what you want (some call it being open minded)  Have a think for a moment on how your dating selection process works. Is it via the obvious visual criteria leaving you to find out the rest on the date? Do you have an open audition policy or are you selective with pre-dating criteria before you spend your time with someone? 

Whether pursuing dates online, from work, via friends or on nights out if you are going on dates with whoever asks – as you never know what might happen – then you have an open audition style of dating. 

 Just a word of caution for those with the open audition style you are at risk of becoming a serial first dater which in turn can result in dating fatigue, exhausting both your emotional energy and possibly your bank balance. A further potential health warning – you may well fall in love with someone who is totally unsuitable for you and heartache could be your greatest cost.

If any of the above resonates with you maybe some pre-dating consideration is required. A little conversation and thought prior to making your dating decisions can really help maximise your outcome. Consider improving your chances of wanting a 2nd date and minimising your energy, money and heartache with a simple Dating Scorecard to decide if that 1st date actually makes sense.

Here are some example selection considerations for your Dating Scorecard. Just make a note of how many points the potential date scores out of 4.  Feel free to edit these considerations to meet your own criteria: 

HOW EASY IS ACCESS TO EACH OTHER?

• How far apart do you live?
• How flexible/rigid are their working hours?
• Do they drive – or is local transport easily available (24/7)?
• Are they available for weekends/holidays away?
• Can they sleep out or can you sleep in at theirs?

HOW WILL YOU SPEND YOUR TIME TOGETHER?

• Are they an indoors or outdoors person?
• Are they likely to watch your tv shows with you?
• Have they demonstrated an interest in travelling?
• Do you have mutual interests – ie dancing or dining out?
• Will time together involve children?

PERSONALITY TRAITS

• Are they sociable and outgoing?
• Make you laugh?
• Open minded?
• Interesting?
• Sexy/Attractive?

EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY

• When did the last relationship end?
• Are they looking for dating, hook-ups or relationship?
• What was their longest relationship?
• How often do they date?
• Do they talk openly about their past and present?

CAREER AND INTELLECT

• Are your career goals compatible?
• Are they interested in your work?
• Can they express their interest in life and love?
• Can you relate to them mentally?
• Will they fit into your social group?

Ok, you’re probably asking how can I possibly know all this before I go on a date!

If you are chatting online then many of these answers can be gleaned from their profile.  If you have met at work, use time spent around the water cooler or coffee machine to strike up a conversation with these questions in mind. If you are introduced through friends then do some digging!

Save the time and energy you spend preparing, travelling and attending what might be an uncomfortable evening and use it for a few pre-dating telephone conversations NOT INTERVIEWS and check off your scores as you go along. 

The dating scorecard includes 25 selections at up to 4 points each which gives a chance to score 100 eligibility points. 

 If eligibility scores below 60 there is a good chance you are going to say no to a 2nd date (or wish you had!).  For 60-80 points it might be best to suggest a walk in the park or a quick coffee and see if chemistry does the rest.  80+ points its time to get ready for the possibility of love and the first of hopefully many dates together!

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