THE PROBLEM: I keep going back to my ex even though they he is not right for me…WHY?
So the scenario plays out …He treats you like you don’t matter, doesn’t call you or take you out like he used to, is dating other women or just plain tells you that he is not interested in a relationship with you.
So it’s time to move on …you throw on your “im single ready to mingle” cloak with no intentions of looking back you hit the single scene….he is history and you are now available to meet the love of your life.
Your eyes meet across a crowded bar and he approaches you and asks “where is your boyfriend tonight”, you eagerly assure him that you are single and he asks if he can buy you a drink, get your number or take you out some time.
You reach home and check your phone, not to see if your ex has messaged you but to check if your latest interest is “online”. He messages you goodnight and says he is looking forward to seeing you again and you just know the ex is definitely history…. I am moving on you tell your heart with glee!
The first date comes around and as you wait for him to pick you up for dinner, your mind wanders to thoughts of “maybe he could accompany me to my sister’s wedding”, or “I hope he is still around for xmas, I wonder what aftershave he likes” and you congratulate yourself that you now have someone special to watch that new movie with next week. You have been on first dates before and they have not worked out but now you really are ready to find “the one”.
He is already half hour late but that’s fine you know how traffic is so you check his status and it shows online but you have not heard from him! 45 mins late he arrives still in his work clothes saying he has had a long day so do you mind if you just go for a drink as he is not hungry.
So as you find yourself at the local bar where he constantly checks his phone, pops outside for a smoke and then knocks back drink after drink whilst telling you about why he doesn’t really date as his job is so demanding and how his ex won’t let him see his kids.
Your thoughts start to wander to how your ex doesn’t smoke, how he doesn’t have children related stress and how at least he turns up on time even though you only see him once a month. Suddenly what you thought you were happy to leave behind becomes attractive again in an instant.
You get home from the date and have a burning urge to message the ex “just to see how he is” and his reply is “I’m ok but I’ve missed you shall I pop over?” ….all the pain and hurt you have felt suddenly seems to be erased from your memory as your heart sings the lullaby of maybe things will be different now…ooh and there’s that thought …maybe HE could join you for xmas this year.
You decide to give “love” another chance… until that is you find out about his other woman , or he stops calling you because he is busy or he reminds you again that he is not in the right place for a relationship.
Your “knowing” that you should move on is returned and you are back in the cycle of breakup and make up whilst at the same time experiencing dating fatigue. Why can’t I meet someone else I like! Why do I keep going back!! It’s insane when will this change!
The key to WHY is actually in the question!
Going “back” is less scary than going forward….into the unknown. Human beings often prefer the certainty of unhappiness over the uncertainty of happiness. Yes that’s right many are scared to risk being happy!!
There is a comfort in “the devil we know” and that comfort is that we know we have survived the pain before so we will cope. The fear is ‘Could I really cope with an unknown happiness that might turn into unhappiness at some point’…..could my heart take any more?
Going back gives us a feeling of familiarity just as our “blankie” or “comforter” did as a child, it invokes the happy memories of at one point feeling loved but even more important for many women, that feel good place of giving love…the basic nurturing need of a woman.
Going back can often invoke a false sense of security that we are “home” until of course you rediscover what you already knew (and are choosing to ignore) about why the relationship does not work.
Einstein’s famous quote “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” says it all.
So the answer to “WHEN will it change?” When you learn to “do” love differently !!
And that time is NOW as we move into a brand new year with what could be a brand new happier, more fulfilled loving version of you!
It’s time to learn new skills for making better choices in who you date.
It’s time to discover what you really want and need from love.
It’s time to identify who your Soul really needs as its mate
It’s time to learn how to recognise and be recognised by Your Soul’s Mate.
It’s time to let go of the “blankie” and grow into that nurturing loving woman that is NOT afraid to GIVE and RECEIVE love with someone NEW …..someone who deserves and wants you
If you are serious now is the time to act …why go into a new year with old pain? If you are really ready to stop looking back and want to move on towards love and happiness without fear I can help you…Click on this link to read more about how I have helped other women get ready for love
I will hold your hand as you let go of the past and “him” and move on to get you ready for the love that is out there waiting for you to claim.
Your first step on the journey to the new you can start by<<< clicking here>>> to join me for an amazing life and love changing event coming soon…. come meet me in person in January 2016
Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations.
Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!