The Loneliest Place
Being alone and being lonely are not the same . The dictionary difference below highlights the main difference as one being fact and the other the emotions we attach to that fact
- Alone: having no one else present; on one’s own. synonyms:by oneself, on one’s own, solo, lone, solitary, single, singly;
- Lonely: sad because one has no friends or company : synonyms:isolated, friendless, companionless, without friends/companions, with no one to turn to, outcast, forsaken,abandoned, rejected, unloved, unwanted;
When we are alone it is merely a case of the absence of anyone else. This can be construed as positive if it gives you the time and space to do something you want to ie catch up with a friend over the phone,read the next chapter of the book you are avidly reading or watch the footie without have to explain that no you are not allowed to goal hang its called offside !
Being alone is a temporary state of being which can change as soon as someone enters the room… you are simply no longer alone.
Being lonely however occurs when an emotion is attached to that state of being alone. It is a feeling rather than a fact and one that is either given by ourselves or another. For some it is a state that involves feelings of pity ie companionless or forsaken and can also conjure up strong emotional connections to previous emotions such as feeling abandoned, rejected, unloved and unwanted.
Being single often means being alone, in one’s own presence, doing things on your own that many may prefer to do with someone else. This can offer up those feelings of loneliness (isolation and companionless) but can be dealt with by seeking the company of a friend, a family member or indulging in your guilty distraction pleasures afforded when being alone as described above. But again what is true is that it can be a temporary state that can be altered if chosen to.
However loneliness within a relationship can be pervasive and ever present. When you are not alone yet the feelings of isolation, abandonment rejection and of being unwanted invade your waking moments …….being in the wrong relationship can feel like the loneliest place in the world.
What is a wrong relationship? It’s a relationship that causes negative feelings about yourself and the world you live in, it’s a state of mind where you are not at peace or able to enjoy the little things that life has for you on a daily basis, a beautiful autumn morning, or a favourite song…the wrong relationship is when your soul simply does not feel like smiling.
Many single people long to be in relationships as they feel that this will minimise those times of being alone and will lead to less loneliness. Although this may seem to make sense, rush into the wrong relationship because you don’t like being single, and you may turn those temporary feelings of loneliness into everyday life.
Waking up next to the wrong partner can make you feel more isolated, abandoned rejected and unloveable than waking up to yourself.
The irony is many choose to stay in relationships that are not working for them as they fear being single and being alone. Yet many envy the status of their single friends who seem to find the energy and peace to let their soul smile
Don’t be in a rush to leave “singledom” behind just because you believe being alone is painful.
Use your alone time to get to know more about what makes your Soul smile. Indulge your “you time” doing things that help you understand who you are, what you want and what you really need from a healthy relationship.
If you are single and have enabled yourself to be happy when being alone you will usually have learnt what you needed in order to be ready to now share your time with the right person.
If you recognise yourself as being in a lonely relationship be kind to yourself AND your partner. Stop the Soul destroying and do some Soul Searching as the truth is being alone has way more benefits than being lonely.