Being alone and being lonely are not the same . The dictionary difference below highlights the main difference as one being fact and the other the emotions we attach to that fact
When we are alone it is merely a case of the absence of anyone else. This can be construed as positive if it gives you the time and space to do something you want to ie catch up with a friend over the phone,read the next chapter of the book you are avidly reading or watch the footie without have to explain that no you are not allowed to goal hang its called offside !
Being alone is a temporary state of being which can change as soon as someone enters the room… you are simply no longer alone.
Being lonely however occurs when an emotion is attached to that state of being alone. It is a feeling rather than a fact and one that is either given by ourselves or another. For some it is a state that involves feelings of pity ie companionless or forsaken and can also conjure up strong emotional connections to previous emotions such as feeling abandoned, rejected, unloved and unwanted.
Being single often means being alone, in one’s own presence, doing things on your own that many may prefer to do with someone else. This can offer up those feelings of loneliness (isolation and companionless) but can be dealt with by seeking the company of a friend, a family member or indulging in your guilty distraction pleasures afforded when being alone as described above. But again what is true is that it can be a temporary state that can be altered if chosen to.
However loneliness within a relationship can be pervasive and ever present. When you are not alone yet the feelings of isolation, abandonment rejection and of being unwanted invade your waking moments …….being in the wrong relationship can feel like the loneliest place in the world.
What is a wrong relationship? It’s a relationship that causes negative feelings about yourself and the world you live in, it’s a state of mind where you are not at peace or able to enjoy the little things that life has for you on a daily basis, a beautiful autumn morning, or a favourite song…the wrong relationship is when your soul simply does not feel like smiling.
Many single people long to be in relationships as they feel that this will minimise those times of being alone and will lead to less loneliness. Although this may seem to make sense, rush into the wrong relationship because you don’t like being single, and you may turn those temporary feelings of loneliness into everyday life.
Waking up next to the wrong partner can make you feel more isolated, abandoned rejected and unloveable than waking up to yourself.
The irony is many choose to stay in relationships that are not working for them as they fear being single and being alone. Yet many envy the status of their single friends who seem to find the energy and peace to let their soul smile
Don’t be in a rush to leave “singledom” behind just because you believe being alone is painful.
Use your alone time to get to know more about what makes your Soul smile. Indulge your “you time” doing things that help you understand who you are, what you want and what you really need from a healthy relationship.
If you are single and have enabled yourself to be happy when being alone you will usually have learnt what you needed in order to be ready to now share your time with the right person.
If you recognise yourself as being in a lonely relationship be kind to yourself AND your partner. Stop the Soul destroying and do some Soul Searching as the truth is being alone has way more benefits than being lonely.
Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations.
Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!
FOUNDER & PRIMARY THERAPIST
I contacted TJ because I was tired of being in pain in my love relationships. I was tired and frustrated... read moreI contacted TJ because I was tired of being in pain in my love relationships. I was tired and frustrated about always picking the wrong men and feeling lonely in relationships. I blamed myself for choosing the wrong men and for not being able to leave them sooner. I stayed with men who I felt did not love me enough and who I gave more than they gave me. I I could not really tell my friends, as I was fearing they would either laugh at me or even lose respect for me.
I booked TJ’s “Weekend With The Love Coach Programme” and have since followed up with her Cognitive Hypnotherapy sessions. When I booked the weekend with TJ I was expecting it to be good. It was not just good, it was life changing and truly amazing. It has helped me to grow personally in big steps in just 3 months. It triggered life changing revelations. I was already seeking to make changes in many areas of my life and her coaching provided me with that final push.
In general, I am more at peace with what is and I am less scared of what lies in the future. Through her Cognitive Hypnotherapy work I was also able to let go of some traumatic past experience, which always used to hold me back from progressing in life and love as they caused a lot of anger inside me.
I dont know what else I can say other than to say Thank You TJ from the bottom of my heart and that if you know you need help too, I so recommend taking the first step and booking a session with TJ. read less
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