Stuck in Fear of Moving on

Many of us get to the stage in life where we sit down and reflect on where we have got to and try to look forward to where we want to go.  Major birthdays or events are catalysts for these reflections.

On our 18th or 21st, we were probably full of ideas, goals & dreams and certain that we knew it all and could achieve anything we set our minds too.  After a decade of chasing dreams at 30 we may well have berated ourselves for what had not been achieved ie I am not married, don’t have children, have not got my Masters Degree or not earning enough. Turning 30 can be a stage where we then start attaching time to our next decades of goals ie by 40 I want to have my own business, by 50 I want to retire.

40 then appears in the blink of an eye and for many, this is where a real shift away from individual dreams and goals and into love and nurturing of the world or simply of oneself starts to take hold.

By now some have lost their self, the energy to chase their dreams and the ability to believe and achieve.  This is why 50 looms large and ominous in many a person’s life chart.

In John Gray’s book “How To Get What You Want And Want What You Have” he talks about how life moves in 7-year cycles and that we go through the period of nest building and move on to nurturing and giving back.  7 is a powerful number spiritually and the 7 x 7 of 49  is a powerful time.  For many clients, I have worked with, and indeed for myself, the experience of the 6 x 7 run up to 50 is one of having to let go in a number of areas that no longer serve us as we get ready for our next half-century. 

Understandably this time can be looked at through the filter of loss – loss of relationships, parents, health, work, friendships and of the ability to dream and meet goals. As we experience these losses fear can start to set in our hearts.  Fear of making new friendships or relationships in case we get hurt, fear of getting close to people in case they die, fear of trying something new in case we fail, fear of changing our job, even though bored, or fear of allowing oneself to dream again.

My client Kaz recently came for a life coaching session with me as she was sick and tired of being stuck where she was for the past 2 years. She couldn’t work out what was holding her back from taking up some amazing opportunities that were presented to her.  She knew it was fear and she knew she was self-sabotaging.  She has kindly allowed me to share a poem that she was asked, during coaching, to write to herself as an act of self-love and enquiry on Valentine’s day:

So here I stand alone drawing close to 47, time to reflect, look back,
be brave before entering heaven

So much to tell, love versus hate and secrets to hide, be patient I say,
reminding myself to enjoy the ride

So little time, yet life to live, I just want it all and just want to give

Seeing, believing, loving and fear, that’s what I tell myself but not wanting to hear

I can do anything with strength of the mind, so why does it tell me it’s just not my time

My love for my girls is beyond belief, I know I need more and now just for me

So believe, believe, that’s what I say, so why does my negative not go away

I want to be free, happy and safe, believe in myself I tell myself, get out of this head space

So time to shine and put fear aside, move onwards and upwards ready to slide
into the future, now there’s a word, don’t look back, regrets, mistakes, don’t be absurd

So believe, believe, now that’s what I’ll say, be strong, move forward, you’re on your way

Give in to fear, there is no such thing, just your mind playing tricks to keep you here

Move into discomfort for just a short time, as once achieved, the world is mine

Now go open yourself and take the risks, or you will never feel abundance, which does exist

So here I stand strong, focused and wanting the dream
push fear aside and leap into the realm

KAZ

Kaz has summed up so eloquently how those feelings of being stuck between wanting more, but not sure if you have the ability or energy, can absolutely paralyse oneself and any decision making or progress.  Just writing this poem has already helped Kaz face her fears and during life coaching, she has set herself 3 mini goals that I know she is going to smash.  These, in turn, will signal to her that her ability to dream and reach is back and as she says “Move into discomfort for just a short time, as once achieved, the world is mine”.  

If this poem resonates with you, as it has done already with others, just know that if you are stuck and paralysed in fear, at any age, once you find the energy to face the fear and do it anyhow you will regain your momentum for the next part of your amazing journey in both life and love.

Set yourself 3 small goals, add a target date and a reward for each achievement.  Make yourself accountable to a coach or a friend for both the goals and the rewards (these are essential for you to motivate your movement forward).

Your future is in your hands. You choose whether to stay stuck or tap back into all the resources you forgot you had. As you begin to shift out of your rut know that by focussing on your future, the new happier more focused you will also benefit everyone else around you.

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