For those with a ‘significant other’ Valentine’s day can sometimes be a provocative situation where expectations and the need to prove love in a relationship are intense.
At a time when statistics for both the UK and the US show a record high of over 50% of the population being single, it is also a time many singletons dread as love is force fed via TV, Radio or even on the obligatory cattle ride to work.
With “Red Saturday’ (the first Saturday in Feb) seeing over £700 million spent in the UK alone on gifts such as chocolates, flowers, perfume and jewellery, there is no doubt that Valentine’s day is a commercial pressure that few can ignore and for many it’s a day of evaluation and measurement of love.
This is a time when singletons may reflect on the questions of “where is the one?” “why am I unlucky in love?” and “am I loveable?”.
If you are someone who has also questioned what love really is then you are not alone! “What is Love”? is one of the most searched questions according to Google.
As founder of The Love Coach, I add to the contemplation of philosophers, poets, scientists and google searchers alike and respond to the questions of ‘What is Love? and ’Is everyone ready for it’?
Life is a journey of lessons, with love often being the chosen mode of transport. Love can show up in the form of friends, parents, siblings, mentors, partners, God, animals, sport or pastimes, or in the world generally when we see humanity care
Love can show up in our lives in many different forms and will often include commitment to someone or something that is usually easy to see, hear or feel.
A garden lovingly nurtured with blooms of breath-taking beauty; a dancer who radiates the love of their art for audiences with their passionate performance; a parent who lovingly gazes at their child as they sleep with awe; and that first loving kiss of a soul mate which melts your heart.
Love can either make us when we are in it or break us when we lose it and can ultimately impact on our ability to find peace and happiness in life.
The Love Coach was set up to help those struggling to find peace and happiness due to painful issues with love (from any source) and to help people move on from heartache and get ready for love again.
Most clients I work with in my role as a Love Therapist & Coach can easily identify what they don’t want from love. However when asked during the Soul Mate profiling work “what do you want?” the answers are much less forthcoming.
Valentine’s day in the UK predominantly focuses on the sharing of love within relationships. In other cultures it can include the expressing of love you share for anyone in your circle.
For both those in relationships where peace and happiness are proving elusive, and for those singletons on a quest for ‘the one’, the spotlight will now shine on whether you are ready for love, both to give and receive it.
There is no point praying for a Soul Mate, attending singles nights, going on blind dates, or being on Tinder, Plenty of Fish, E-harmony or Match.com to seek your ideal partner, if you are unable to recognise them when they arrive or indeed are not ready to receive their love.
When you are not clued up with what you are looking for with love you can end up being chosen rather than choosing. Not being aware of who you want in your life is a major obstacle in not only attracting your ideal partner, but in understanding if your current choice is meant for you.
A further obstacle to finding peace and love is the lack of self-love, which is essential for a healthy relationship foundation and receiving love from another.
Many look for someone else to come into their lives to fill the gap that is left from their own lack of self-love.
‘How do you need me to love you so I can get love?’ is often a subconscious part of dating and relationship conversations for both men and women. “So what type of man do you go for?”, “Why did you and your last girlfriend break up?”, “Do you prefer my hair blonde or brunette”, “Do you think I should grow a beard?” are all questions that seek subliminal information on what works for the other when it comes to love.
Obviously, these questions are important to form and sustain connection however if the answers define your life choices and you are solely attempting to please someone else, you have ultimately lost connection to yourself. This lack of connection can put you in an extremely vulnerable position and leaves you open to getting hurt, being taken for granted or taken advantage of and at worse vulnerable to mental or physical abuse.
Both singletons and those in relationships can suffer from love fatigue due to what they see as previous “failed relationships” which over time can be confidence eroding and reinforce the feelings of being unloveable. If you have ever had an unhealthy relationship with someone who constantly put you down you will have had first- hand experience of someone who does not possess self-love and therefore has to belittle others in order to be able to connect to them.
First and foremost: love is a journey to yourself. When you become self-aware, true to yourself about what you want, and begin to operate from a place of self-love, you become that which you want to attract in the world. In return, the results you attract will be radically different.
Falling out of love with yourself leaves you unable to receive love from another and you may find yourself constantly giving love and it never being returned. If you then couple that with a lack of understanding of what you want from a relationship/partner you can see that you are open to being chosen by someone for their own agenda, possibly ending up in a relationship that was never meant for you.
Being ready for love is not as simple as just wanting it. It requires an understanding that your own happiness will be an indicator of the types of partners you attract into your life. Misery loves company and if you are miserable in areas of your life you are going to attract those on your level.
Self-love does not sacrifice you in order to achieve happiness for another. Being in love with yourself shows up in the way you make decisions that include your own needs and the needs of the person you love. It gives you options and leads to healthy choices in both life and love.
By remembering that the way we love ourselves gives others unconscious permission to follow our lead, once you can truly love who you are right now then you are truly ready to share “you” and the love you can give and receive.
So the questions we explored are ‘what is love?’ and is ‘everyone ready for love?’ including you?
Your heart may be bursting with so much love to share and your lonely moments could urge you to stay or connect with someone but until you know that you are in love with yourself, and also have a clear idea of who is worthy of that extra love, then you may not be as ready as you think
Here is a free Valentine gift with love from us at The Love Coach. You can investigate further how ready you are for love by taking our free Wheels of Life and Love Assessment now and receive your feedback on which areas you may need to work on to ensure you get ready for love.
Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations.
Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!