When we are hurting our first point of call is usually to reach out to our nearest and dearest…but where do you go for help if the pain is caused by the person you are closest to. Of course it’s then natural to reach out to a friend but what if you are just not ready for others to know?
Maybe you consider reaching out to a family member but then you might be struggling with their knowing about your situation before you have decided what to do about it. There is of course another danger to reaching out to those that know us best and that is that their advice maybe be loaded with their own subconscious baggage, their need to protect you, their dislike of the act or the person involved etc…it’s a minefield and many decide to keep quiet and not reach out. This is not a good decision for your Soul it just increases the sadness which eventually will have to appear on the surface and can lead to depression and self-medication such as alcohol, drugs, casual sex or even all 3 …….as you suppress more and more of that which hurts you. So you decide to reach out …but who can help you?…again another minefield. Here are some tips in choosing what therapy and who is right to guide you through this time of pain: It is important to understand the different Therapeutic options available to you. Mainstream ones that have been around for a long time have helped many but tend to be over long periods of time the up and coming Alternative therapies are rapidly building a following as they address issues in a more dynamic style and with less time and therefore financial outlay. Here are some examples of both these types of therapies:
Counselling – is a talking therapy…you speak and the Counsellor listens ..no advice is given it’s a platform for you to express yourself. Depending on the nature of your issues counselling can involve sessions from 12 weeks with some I have heard of still having counselling after 2 years.
CBT – The aim of CBT is to help you think less negatively, so that instead of feeling hopeless and depressed, you cope better with and even start to enjoy being able to face the situation. In CBT, you set goals with your therapist and carry out tasks between sessions. A course typically involves around six to 15 sessions, which last about an hour each. Like counselling, CBT deals with current situations more than events in your past or childhood.
Psychotherapy – Unlike counselling and CBT, Psychotherapy involves talking more about your past to help you overcome problems you’re having in the present. There are different types of psychotherapy, but they all aim to help you understand more about yourself, improve your relationships and get more out of life. Psychotherapy can be especially useful in helping people with long-term or recurring problems to find the cause of their difficulties. It tends to last longer than CBT and counselling. Sessions are an hour long and can continue for a year or more.
Relationship Counselling – Sometimes known as Couples therapy can help when a relationship is in crisis (after an affair, for example). Both partners talk in confidence to a counsellor to explore what has gone wrong in the relationship and how to change things for the better. It can help couples learn more about each other’s needs and communicate better. Ideally, both partners should attend the weekly hour-long sessions, but they can still help if just one person attends.
ALTERNATIVE THERAPIES Hypnotherapy – is a type of short term solution focussed complementary therapy that uses hypnosis, which is an altered state of consciousness. Hypnosis is widely promoted as a treatment for various long-term conditions and for breaking certain habits. Sessions will vary depending on the nature of the presented issue but typically could be between 1 and 4 sessions
NLP – NLP is a short term goal-orientated and practical therapeutic approach to problem solving. People use NLP for many reasons and have often explored other forms of therapy and counselling beforehand. Sessions tend to focus on specific goals and can be as little as 2 sessions per goal.
Cognitive Hypnotherapy – is a unique and modern approach to therapy and personal development. It draws on elements of Hypnotherapy, CBT, Positive Psychology, NLP, Evolutionary Psychology and many, many other approaches to create a unique and modern approach to therapy and personal development. Again this is a short term solution focussed therapy that can average out at 4-8 sessions.
Life Coaching – is an alternative to a standard therapy approach which focuses less on specific emotional or psychological issues and more on coaching a client to understand when they have a problem and the skills that they possess to deal with it themselves. Many people use coaches like they do their doctors dentists or hairdressers…they access them when something crops up that they need an expert to help them with or elect to have a preventative maintenance approach and have regular sessions with their coach to keep them focussed and forward thinking in order to be able to deal with life events as and when they happen
WHAT WOULD I RECOMMEND FOR YOU? As a qualified Cognitive Hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner, Dating Therapist, Love & Life Coach and Author of ‘Get Ready For Love’ …I am often asked what type of therapy is best…the answer is as individual as your hairstyle….it is merely a choice of what you feel suits you best. With my clients I use whichever of my skills suit their style and that will give the quickest most effective results for them. On my journey I have tried out many different therapies and it’s quite fitting that as a result I have trained in many different types of therapy too. This is unusual as many therapists tend to have one gendre and stick to it. You may therefore have to try a variety of different services to find something that suits you and your personality but I hope my description of the services available have helped you at least understand what might not work for you and your pocket. Once you have found a therapy style you like you may also have to try a few different therapists to make sure that you two click as this is as important as the actual type of therapy delivered.
CAN YOU ADVISE ME OF WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A THERAPIST? As a Dating Therapist and Love Coach my clientele tend to be those who are experiencing sadness and heartache or those who are looking to grow to understand more about what they want and need from love. They can be vulnerable and are often hurting and therefore can be susceptible to being “sold” inappropriate help. The following advice is for any of you who are vulnerable and in need of help – not just due to issues re love…having said that most issues people experience tend to come back to issues with love ..of someone else or of themselves.
Personally…my preferred investment (and yes I walk my walk and have a coach and sometimes a therapist if life hits me with a curb ball) is in someone who provides me with the opportunity and skills to find the answers myself as at the end of the day I believe I am the true EXPERT on me. If you are in pain and hurting reach out…don’t bury it and think its gone away because it WILL resurface and probably be a lot bigger by then. If you feel that you would like to find out more about working with me complete this Contact TJ form or if you would just like to stay in touch and receive emails or other helpful posts on coping with heartache and pain then pop your email address into the sign up box on this site. Just know that Life is for Loving and that pain is a sign of growth to come
TJ The Love Coach x
Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations.
Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!