How do I confront a possible cheat?
So, your gut told you something was up and you have done your homework – you’re now higher than 80% sure that you are being lied to and that there is someone else in the picture?
If your response is “No” or “Not Exactly” – but you have your suspicions – then the situation might be a bit too early to act on. Check out “Am I dating A Liar” to help on what to do next if.
Whether you have been dating for a short while or are in a long-term relationship if your answer is a “Hell Yes” or “I am pretty sure” I bet you are keen to confront the truth!
Be warned though that short of a confession or catching them in the act there could still be a possibility that you’re wrong. Either way, it’s obvious that having “the conversation” is a priority!
So – in response to “How Do I Confront A Possible Cheat!” – I recommend you don’t!! Confrontation is nothing more than a point scoring exercise that may make you feel better in the short term but is unlikely to get you the ultimate desired outcome that moves you on – The Truth!
Backing someone into a corner will ensure they come out fighting. Don’t go in with an accusatory finger pointing stance which, with human nature being what it is, will more likely result in their defending themselves with more lies. Instead be prepared to set the scene for an open and honest conversation to take place.
Here is a list of helpful tips to maximise “the conversation” and get the answers that you really need to move on – either together or apart:
- If possible, discuss your suspicions with someone you trust prior to “the conversation” so that you get to put into perspective your thoughts and feelings. Hopefully, it will be someone who can help you feedback and reflect rather than rile you up ready for war. If you are stuck with that someone – feel free to grab a Quick Consultation with The Love Coach.
- Arrange to have “the conversation”! Don’t just fly around there or pick up the phone battle ready to have it out. This allows you time to calm down and think rationally and get ready to hear the truth. Remember this has to be about you and your needs not about expecting justifications from them.
- Let the other person know that there is something that you need to talk about. This sets the scene for a serious conversation and although it might give them the heads up that trouble is brewing this will also give them a chance to evaluate what they have been doing and what could be at risk.
- Arrange to meet in a quiet/private space where any emotions that need to be shared can be expressed– restaurants, bars or friend’s houses are not the right environment.
- Ensure that the meeting is 1 to 1 as taking a friend to gang up and prove your “evidence” is just going to ensure a hostile response.
- Understand what you want from “the conversation”. If all you need is to have your say because it is over for you then so be it. However, if you have the slightest desire to work things out then be prepared to listen to the full truth as you ask the right questions.
Once you have this truth then you are empowered to make a decision that truly works for you. Infidelity does not always mean it’s over. Sometimes it can mean the death of an old situation and the birth of a new, more open and healthy relationship.
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