Legend has it that Valentine’s day is named after the Christian martyr, St Valentine. He is said to have defied the Roman army’s ban on its elite soldiers marrying, by performing the ceremony in secret.
Today Valentine’s day has traditionally become a day where expectations are high for lovers to openly declare their affection with gift giving, cards and acts that reflect romance and love. This tradition sees Jewellers showing a hefty increase in the sale of engagement rings as around 10% of the year's proposals will happen on this day.
So it is a day for declarations of love but where does this leave you if you are currently dating but not sure where it’s going right now.
Do you invest financially or emotionally into someone when you have not yet had the “Defining the relationship chat” (DTR) or are you looking to invest in order to have that conversation?
Questions or doubts like those below are more than enough to get anyone anxious about where they stand in a relationship, making it likely that the need to DTR becomes a higher priority at Valentines. :
♥ Should I give a card?
♥ What kind of card should I give?
♥ Is a gift going too far?
♥ What if I get them a gift or card and they don’t get me one I am going to feel really silly
♥ Should I book a surprise weekend? - what if they are not available or not up for it
♥ I am not even sure if we are seeing each other on Valentine’s
The “will you be my valentine” chat is hard enough at any time of the year. However, attempting to move a relationship currently defined as “hanging out”, through to a change in status to “in a relationship” on Valentine’s day can add even more pressure.
If there is no doubt - you have all the above ready to go and are fairly certain you are both on the same page - then what better time than Valentines to secure your future together by defining your status.
Even if you are unsure of the likely outcome of the DTR but are at a crossroads where you just need to know if the dating is going anywhere, Valentine’s day could be a good time to bring the situation to a head. By putting your energy into finding out the reality of your relationship, you get to find out the truth one way or another.
Valentine’s day does not mean the same thing to everyone. In some countries, it is customary for men to give all the females they love and care about cards or gifts including sisters and mothers. Some people point blank refuse to acknowledge Valentine’s day as they feel it is over commercialised.
Valentine’s day, just like Xmas day is one of the highest days of the year for expectations. Expectations not being met is one of the biggest routes of pain and heartache. No wonder then that Solicitors often report a sharp rise in divorce applications for January and February.
If you are having any of the above doubts or concerns then maybe Valentine’s day is not the best opportunity to find out. Why not give yourself the opportunity to relax more into the DRT chat without the pressure and when the stakes are not so high.
Go ahead and give a card but make it a light-hearted one. Give a little gift that is more thoughtful rather than expensive or offers to cook dinner. If they do not reciprocate then it could just be that they do not value Valentine’s day or that their love language is not gift-giving.
This also gives you the opportunity to relax, lower your expectations and enjoy a romantic or fun date with someone you are getting to know better.
If it turns out that they are too busy to see you on Valentine’s day to receive their gift or share that dinner with you then you possibly already have your answer.
Articles that TJ writes for The Love Coach cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!